Duck Pond Redneckery


I've got two spruce trees at the end of my driveway that are probably 40 feet tall.

I could light them up for Christmas. 😊


I'll have to do it in the fall & just not plug them in until then so I don't have to freeze my ass off. 🤔
Then, when you do plug them in, the top string of lights won't work. You know the Chinks plan that stuff, right?
 
Or none of them work because of one bulb. But you don't know which one. Because none of them work.
Christmas lights are 1.5 volts each. Or 3 volts, I don't remember.

My dad & I used to chop up Christmas light strands & wire little groups of them together in series so they'd run on those little flat Polaroid camera batteries, using paper clips as the electrodes, and hang them on a kite line, a few feet below the kite.

(if you attach them to the kite itself, it screws with the balance & it doesn't fly right.)

Back in the mid 1980's, one night the wind was blowing south, over the neighborhood, and my dad was at the park with the kite. I was riding my bicycle around the neighborhood watching the lights from different perspectives. I was 6 or 7 years old.

One of the blue lights fell off the kite line and landed on an old man's front porch, still lit. So I ran up & grabbed it.

The old man called the police because he thought it was a UFO. 😂

When I picked it up and ran back to my bike with it, he didn't see me through the living room curtains but he saw the blue light. He told the cops this UFO crashed on his porch and then got up and flew sideways about 3 feet off the ground, then flew up the street and around the corner. 🤣

My dad's friend Louis who was a teenager at the time, was with us at the park and my dad had sent him to come find me.

Louis found me & I told him about the lights landing on Old Man Johnson's porch.

We went back and my dad had wound up the kite because he saw it fall off & didn't want to lose any more.

On the way home, we saw cops enter the neighborhood and stop at Old Man Johnson's house.

We went over there and Mr Johnson waved us over, to ask if we saw the UFO.

My dad told me not to say anything, but Louis backed up the old man's story & said he also saw it flying around the neighborhood and had stopped to get my dad and the 3 of us were out on bicycles trying to find the aliens or their mother ship.

Later my dad asked Louis why he did that & he said it's because he didn't want Old Man Johnson to look like a senile old fool in front of his wife and his neighbors.

Mr Johnson was a friendly old man who used to ride his bicycle around the neighborhood with his dogs on leashes & everybody knew him. He's in the background with his dogs going past in a picture of my sister at the bus stop on her first day of school which I think was 1981.
 
Picking apples.

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Sarah wanted to pick the absolute highest apple on the tree.

To do that I had to position the top (white) boom horizontal, fully extended, then raise the middle boom up until the bottom of the basket was level with the top of the tree, then rotate the turret to swing over it, and kneel down to pick the apple.

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I was going to ask what that sh*t was hanging out of your mouth!

How do you quit for 3 years, then start back up again? That doesn't make sense.
 
All my friends smoked. It was hell going fishing with them and being trapped on the boat. But alas, I'm the last one of the three musketeers that is still alive and healthy.
 
Just passed my annual DOT. Got home and got a call for a random. What a PITA. I won't miss this stuff at all.
I have to go get a physical today or tomorrow - for a job driving a pickup truck.

I don't even need the CDL for it, but the state of Illinois has my license all jacked up somehow because I didn't get my physical done in January

I got a letter saying that my license was "canceled" with instructions to mail it to some address in Springfield.

Of course, only a jackass would actually mail it in.

When I got hit by a drunk driver, I was afraid the cops would arrest me or something but they never said anything about it being invalid. :dunno:
 
My physical expires at midnight Wednesday night. Within 24 hours, Florida issues a suspension of your CDL.

Just over 30 days left and they just have to screw with you to put all the stress that they can on you. I will NOT renew my CDL in June of '25. I may just change it over to a Class E, this time next year when this physical expires.
 

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