ironpony
Professional Pot-Stirrer
Most functional marriages have a mediocum of respect for one another... unless you desire abuse...
So my Daughter asked to talk
- Thread starter Tazz
- Start date
Laura725
Member
Most functional marriages have a mediocum of respect for one another... unless you desire abuse...
I would say that rings true for any functional relationship.
Laura725
Member
Honestly, the daughter and the anus should live together. There definitely cannot be balance if they are not both there for the baby. The newborn stage is darn hard. 55000/yr should be enough to support a family of 3. Only problem is the description sound like the daughter is the main bread winner. And she will be off work at least 6 weeks after the baby. I believe it is said they work different shifts, which hopefully eliminates the need for childcare. But, from experience, it is super hard to have a newborn with dad working thirds and mom working seconds. My fiance lived on 3-5 hrs of sleep the first year of our oldest child's life. If they can get through that year and stay together, it all goes uphill from there. 
Tazz
Infidel
Student loans are the new indentured servitude scam.
We went to a conference for pimp-hand week before last [He is living here now] and when his Vo-tech teacher [guidance counselor] started telling us about financial aid, I stopped him.
Yeah, we won't be taking any student loans.
That's fine, but acceptance into this program REQUIRES that he he fill out the [bullshit acronym] paperwork.
EXCUSE ME!?
Did you just say that he wouldn't be considered for enrollment unless he applies for student loans.
Well, of course he doesn't have to accept loans.
But to be accepted into the degree program he has to fill out the paperwork and interview with people from financial aid so that they can advise him of his options.
I've already advised him of his options.
He can pay up front by the [credit] hour,
or he can find a different flop and pay rent plus utilities on top of student loans.
Those are his options!
MF'r looked at me like I was from Mars.
Well, there are incidentals beside tuition and...
Pardon me, sir.
Didn't you say that the 2 year GM program was about $7K in tuition over 2 years?
Yes.
But...
Didn't you say that he could work part time in the field starting at $12 - $14?
Yes but...
So, excuse me, I'm just trying to process all this, would $10k cover tuition, books and 'incidentals' other than transportation?
I expect it would.
Why then would anyone apply for a loan to cover a hundred bucks per week while they're employed?
He wouldn't actually be applying for a loan.
But he has to complete the application.
Which requires him to interview with financial aid?
Well, he may be eligible for certain benefits.
But it's a REQUIREMENT!?
Yes.
Seriously.
These MF's are relentless [given the mentality of a teen].
Hey, just sign here and we'll cut you a check for more money than you've ever had in your life!
Yeah, and it's only $30 a week [until you retire].
FACT!
Student loans have overtaken credit card debt as the largest consumer debt in the nation.
It's over a TRILLION dollars, of which more than half is in default!!
And it doesn't go away with bankruptcy, the only way out is death.
No ****, look it up!
It is called FAFSA.
When she decided to go to that cess pool of ignorance I told her I was not putting up a slim dime, that their tuition was ridiculous and no better accreditation than UT. She said "It is just because they are a Christian College" . I have never stopped anyone from following their own beliefs, but that f'ing place convinced me on my theory the faster and more often someone tells you they are a christian the more they are gonna screw you.
But it is not just them. And yeah I told her I was out if she was signing up for all of that. Figured it would slow her down. NOPE! Now the dumb MF'ers call me when she misses a payment until I had my lawyer politely call them and inform them he would be filing suit for harassment, and punitive damages since I was never party to any agreement. I figured it might knock her debt down if we win. No more calls since.
Like most things when the government dumps in money "to help" all it does is drive costs up to the ridiculous levels they are at today.
/rant
Tazz
Infidel
Honestly, the daughter and the anus should live together. There definitely cannot be balance if they are not both there for the baby. The newborn stage is darn hard. 55000/yr should be enough to support a family of 3. Only problem is the description sound like the daughter is the main bread winner. And she will be off work at least 6 weeks after the baby. I believe it is said they work different shifts, which hopefully eliminates the need for childcare. But, from experience, it is super hard to have a newborn with dad working thirds and mom working seconds. My fiance lived on 3-5 hrs of sleep the first year of our oldest child's life. If they can get through that year and stay together, it all goes uphill from there.
Oh they should be but my daughter just can not find "that place". You know the palatial estate with wifi, pool, gym, polo field, and free laundry for 250 a month
Reality is smacking her in the face real damn hard. Must be a family thing because my son went through it as well. But everything she has found is to small, or to near the nasty part of town, or to far from Starbucks........By the by Dad's house is in the woods nowhere near any damn Starbucks. But since this is free and the best they have found was 650 a month she suffers through. And no damn way Anus moves in!
Dipshit was over last week. I keep a 12 ga pump on a rack by the front door, just for the Jehovah's Witness', and he picked it up with his booger hook on the damn trigger
My daughter yelled at him to put it down before I shot him, damn missed opportunity. ( I am kidding mostly) But he does not have the brains to be near my pack, I have firearms everywhere, and his mellow mushroom look is an offense to the senses.I am going to start planting the idea @Ranger_375 had. Maybe a haircut and some PT would help. Might have to shanghai the little pucker. Do they still let them sign up after a hard night of drinking? For this boy maybe a Cosmopolitan and a Zima should about do it. By the time he sobers up we can have him on the way to Ft Gordon.
Sunnie Lynn
Active Member
Honestly, the daughter and the anus should live together. There definitely cannot be balance if they are not both there for the baby. The newborn stage is darn hard. 55000/yr should be enough to support a family of 3. Only problem is the description sound like the daughter is the main bread winner. And she will be off work at least 6 weeks after the baby. I believe it is said they work different shifts, which hopefully eliminates the need for childcare. But, from experience, it is super hard to have a newborn with dad working thirds and mom working seconds. My fiance lived on 3-5 hrs of sleep the first year of our oldest child's life. If they can get through that year and stay together, it all goes uphill from there.
I kind of disagree. If they were not at the point of living together pre-baby, and she's not 200% sure he's gunna be "the one" for her, she shouldn't live with him. It'll force the two of them into a marriage of necessity and not love, and she may feel trapped if it doesn't work out. Everyone is different, but I ended up feeling stuck with my ex husband because we had kids and made a life and bought a house and it was just too difficult to get out. It's easier to get married or move in down the road when they are sure than to get out if they do it now and decide it's not right later.
I do agree that 55k is enough to start a life on. Is it ideal? No. I think the biggest misconception young kids have is that they are entitled to have what their parents have... they don't realize mom and dad started off in a starter home fixxer upper eating cheap food and saving every last penny driving a beater and working their butts off so they could earn that bigger house and a new car. I've met so many people who feel like they need the big house in the suburbs right out of college and it makes me nutty. People who start from humble beginnings know what it's like to earn what they have. Sounds like although this may seem like a hiccup your daughter is capable and will step up as needed. Seems like she's got parents who care enough to support her but make sure she's making the right decisions.
While it doesn't sound like Anus is going to be worth much, having a baby changes people. Sometimes all it takes is meeting that smelly little squirmy thing for the first time and then something changes inside you. Nobody is worth much at his age anyways, and maybe he is slower to mature than most, but at some point hopefully he'll get there. Most daddy's don't like the guy their daughters bring home much anyways, it's like daddy cliche #1...
I don't know why I'm so intrigued by your story, but I'm rooting for your Brat.
Keep us updated on Anus as the story unfolds.
Blood
Driveler Emeritus
Yeah, I'm aware.
It still chaps my ass that filling out the paperwork and interviewing with financial aid is a requirement.
And a kid that doesn't have enough history or even income to buy a car stereo on credit at Best Buy can just sign and start collecting checks as though the money never has to be repaid.
Sunnie Lynn
Active Member
They bank on that. They shove loans down your throat s though it's normal and expected. I'm still paying off $40000 of students loans... for a degree in a field that I don't use, and a field that doesn't pay enough to cover the loans I needed to get the degree. I didn't have anyone to set me straight when I was 19...
Not to mention colleges freely allow credit card companies to solicit students.
We should be setting our young people up for success, not for a lifetime of debt. No wonder our economy suffers, the banks have us by the balls at such a young age.
mndriver
curmudgeon extraordinare
Financial aid interview isn't just about loans.
My wife went in and talked to financial aid for her degree. Initially, she was told in her letter all she gets is loans. Nothing else.
By the time she got done with talking to the director of financial aid, she pretty much had a free ride with grants and work study related to her field of study.
Now my ex........that's a different cow.
Even me, I signed up with the guard. "$20,000 student loan repay". I got $2500 of it paid on my behalf. According to my unit, Congress decided they wouldn't fund the programs.
I got it out of them though.
$110,000 in medical coverage and hearing aids for life so far.
My wife went in and talked to financial aid for her degree. Initially, she was told in her letter all she gets is loans. Nothing else.
By the time she got done with talking to the director of financial aid, she pretty much had a free ride with grants and work study related to her field of study.
Now my ex........that's a different cow.
Even me, I signed up with the guard. "$20,000 student loan repay". I got $2500 of it paid on my behalf. According to my unit, Congress decided they wouldn't fund the programs.
I got it out of them though.
$110,000 in medical coverage and hearing aids for life so far.
Rodger
Well-Known Member
I agree. Hopefully those two understand, its not about them anymore its about the baby they created. From what I have read they are lucky to have you.
Duck
Sarcastic remark goes here
I found out on September 11, 2001, they do not.
Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but to my way of thinking, it's generally a good idea to have a solid, stable relationship in place before getting pregnant. Marriage is still generally accepted as being more stable than just sleepin' together. Having a wife often grows a guy up, without the baby. And really, nothing says, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" better than a ring and marriage vows. I believe in falling head over heels in love before getting in bed.
Therefore, if this fellow had actually respected Ms. Brat, he would have at least made the offer. Yes, it takes two to dance the supine Rhumba and both were equally disrespectful of each other and themselves. However, this young feller isn't doing anything to show he respects Tazz or his daughter.
Respect means making sure there's more there than a quick, "Well, you'll do for the moment.." and ending up in a loveless marriage of necessity because somebody got pregnant. Respect means knowing this person is that one person you can't live without and then doing everything possible to prove you're worthy of their returned devotion. There aren't many who can honestly say the relationship they are currently in is that one for them. I believe @Tazz is one. @Mike is another. And @AK7, more than 25 years into his marriage, is stilll very much in love with his wife. @Blood....(although she's got to be a little kooky to deal with him..)
And me. I was widowed in September. I won't get into the details, except to say neither of us was particularly happy. While it might seem soon to some, I am now with a man who rocks my world every time I look at him, hear his voice, feel his touch.. It takes every bit of my strength to tear myself away from him and go to work. In almost 48 years, I had no idea love could feel like this. We have known each other for years. He was married, I was married, then he was divorced and then I was widowed and during the entire time, we were friends, but never lovers, as much as we both might have wanted to. It wouldn't have been right. Recognizing that, maintaining control and waiting until it was truly right and real before touching each other has made all the difference. ...and THAT is what I mean by respect.
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Laura725
Member
I respect your opinion, @Injun, I just don't think marriage equals respect. My own parents have been married for 40 years. Some times were good, a lot of times were bad. Even though my mom has accepted and forgiven a lot, she has told all her children that marriage is overrated and if she had to do it again, she isn't sure that she would. I just fail to believe that the piece of paper is that powerful that it grants instant respect. In fact, I've seen it do the opposite more times than not.
From what I read, it sounds like his daughter took full control of her body. None of us were in the room when her and Anus discussed her discontinuing birth control. I'm assuming it was a very respectful conversation between the two of them and they agreed they both wanted to create a life together in an act of love. Was it irresponsible given their living situation and economic position? Most certainly.
As a side note, I am happy you have found happiness. I have no doubt that you loved your husband but it makes me sad to think that you stayed with someone that you no longer fully liked because of a piece of paper.
From what I read, it sounds like his daughter took full control of her body. None of us were in the room when her and Anus discussed her discontinuing birth control. I'm assuming it was a very respectful conversation between the two of them and they agreed they both wanted to create a life together in an act of love. Was it irresponsible given their living situation and economic position? Most certainly.
As a side note, I am happy you have found happiness. I have no doubt that you loved your husband but it makes me sad to think that you stayed with someone that you no longer fully liked because of a piece of paper.
There were way more factors in my staying with him than just that piece of paper. We cared for each other, but it wasn't what I would call romantic love. He was an honorable man and kind. He was incredibly intelligent and a very highly regarded leader. There were many other reasons I stayed. But the one single biggest factor was respect, both for him and for myself, but also for the people we call family.
Southern Fried
Well-Known Member
Sunnie Lynn
Active Member
That's a good feeling isn't it?
When you spend a huge chunk of your life with someone you're settling with... and you find what real love is like... it ends up being this incredible thing. I always assumed it was normal for butterflies to go away... now I feel them all the time.
Tazz
Infidel
Just to be clear she was on the pill when this happened, when she was late she took an EPT and popped positive. She went to the Doctor that afternoon and he told her not to resume taking it and it should not effect the baby. She is now 10 weeks and they have done ultrasounds but it looks like the little guy or gal is like the rest of us, a survivor.
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