Quack 20

[Duck]

I'm sitting in the broken-down truck I'm no longer assigned to, running it's batteries down with my inverter, waiting for my ride home to wake up.

Not that I'd post the guy's name, but if I did, it would get censored cuz it's hilarious.

Last night I looked at his load info that was taped to the wall in the shop & he's supposed to pull an empty trailer to the shipper, and that trailer is still here, but his load info is no longer taped to the wall. So I know he's here. The minivan is AWOL, but the Malibu is still here so I know he didn't go to the hotel.

Speaking of that Malibu,...

You'd think a trucking company, with a 7-bay shop, and two "old-hand" mechanics who are absolutely OBSESSED with General Motors products, would take better care of the driver courtesy car. I drove it to go pig out on Pizza last night & again this AM to get coffee & the low washer fluid light was on, and the damn thing's had loud exhaust for at least the past month.



I was bored so after I washed out my 5 gallon trash bucket so I can cram my pillow & blanket in it, I pulled the thing into the tractor shop & topped off it's washer fluid to make that light go off. It's oil is full & still golden colored, .. so that's good. Tires were low, so I topped them off. Then I wrote up a service ticket on it for that muffler & just wrote "Chevy Malibu" where you're supposed to put the truck number.

I thought it sounded kinda bad-ass (for a compact car) with it's exhaust leak but I was still kinda surprised when I opened the hood & the first thing I saw was "3100" on top of the engine. All this time I thought it had a 4 cylinder. This is a very small town, so I've never once driven that car when it's engine was warmed up, so I've always babied it around town. Never stepped on the gas hard enough to notice it wasn't a 4 cylinder, LOL.

 

[8978]

Ok but how hard is it to make another 20 section? I'm guessing 30 seconds? What's the holdup? I may even start one although you will definitely be on the ignore list and not allowed to post any replies.

So, let me get this straight. I can say shit in here?

 

[Duck]

I can say **** in here?

Apparently not. It's auto-censored.

 

[8978]

Ok, let me be more specific. Can I talk about drugs, post pics of women in bikinis and stuff like that?

 

[Duck]

Ok, let me be more specific. Can I talk about drugs, post pics of women in bikinis and stuff like that?

I'm not entirely sure yet.

 

[Southern Fried]

How about nekkid women on drugs?

No wait.... I don't wanna see Paris Hilton and her friends anymore.

 

[Southern Fried]

BTW.... my 20?

I'm sitting here petting cats. Pet cat, set it on the floor, pet next cat, set it on the floor, pet next cat...... waitaminnit.... we have 11 cats. How come I have just petted cat number 385? My dang legs are getting numb. Barbaraaaaaaa!!!!!

 

[Duck]

The guy in the big fancy automatic trans Volvo next to me just woke up. He might be the guy I'm supposed to ride home with.
He just got out & started peeing on the concrete.


But on the bright side, there's a pack of cigarettes on his dashboard, ... indicating that he's not an anti-smoking Nazi like @DubbleD.

 

[Tim]

So are you leaving them for good or just going home for another 4 or 5 months?

 

[Duck]

So are you leaving them for good or just going home for another 4 or 5 months?

Don't know yet.




I'm having fun at the moment though. This guy doesn't have a computer & is totally computer illiterate. Didn't even know what MP3 files were. This Volvo has a USB port on the stereo & I have a thumb drive. I explained it and just for the hell of it I demonstrated with "Convoy" on an otherwise empty drive.

I asked what kind of music he listens to in case I happen to have his genre on here. He said he likes 80's rock and specifically mentioned that he hasn't heard "Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth in years. I checked & I had it. So I put it on the drive & popped it in the stereo & as soon as it started playing, he slapped the steering wheel & yelled "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about".

LMAO.

Now he thinks I'm a genius because I put an MP3 on a thumb drive.

 

[hootowlserenade]

Lmao I keep a flash drive with a bunch of music on it just in case I ever get to a place without good enough data signal to run my modified Pandora app... I've only ever had to use it once, and that was months ago when I was out in the Utah desert... otherwise I never have to worry about losing data signal (thank you Verizon and Motorola's best in industry antennae hardware) but it is nice to have something handy because I hate radio stations and I got rid of my Sirius radio because they are getting just as bad... with my Pandora app I have no commercials and unlimited skips, so if I don't wanna hear the song (or comedy bit) I can just fast forward to the next anytime I want... plus I make Pandora play any artist/song I want so I am in full control of my stations and what they play.

Sent from the cutting edge of my Droid RAZR MAXX

 

[Southern Fried]

BTW.... my 20?

I'm sitting here petting cats. Pet cat, set it on the floor, pet next cat, set it on the floor, pet next cat...... waitaminnit.... we have 11 cats. How come I have just petted cat number 385? My dang legs are getting numb. Barbaraaaaaaa!!!!!

I found out why this happened. The front door was unlocked so the kits invited all their friends and relatives over for a good scritch. They was lined up forever. I just finished up at 708. My hands are cramping. Gonna make darn sure that door is locked tight tonight.

 

[Duck]

Lmao I keep a flash drive with a bunch of music on it just in case I ever get to a place without good enough data signal to run my modified Pandora app... I've only ever had to use it once, and that was months ago when I was out in the Utah desert... otherwise I never have to worry about losing data signal (thank you Verizon and Motorola's best in industry antennae hardware) but it is nice to have something handy because I hate radio stations and I got rid of my Sirius radio because they are getting just as bad... with my Pandora app I have no commercials and unlimited skips, so if I don't wanna hear the song (or comedy bit) I can just fast forward to the next anytime I want... plus I make Pandora play any artist/song I want so I am in full control of my stations and what they play.

Sent from the cutting edge of my Droid RAZR MAXX

We stopped at a rest area & I figured out how to pair his smart-phone to this 2014 Volvo's stereo which has the hands free thing and the green & red call buttons on the steering wheel. I got out of the truck & called his phone & as soon as he heard my voice through the truck speakers he yelled "OH HELL YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT".



He's also on cloud 9 because it turns out I had several hundred songs on my laptop that he wanted so I put them all on that little 5 dollar, 4 GB thumb drive & gave it to him. He was so excited about that he bought me lunch at Junie's in Evansdale, IA.

When we get to my house I'm going to demonstrate how to make an extremely loud bang with a balloon filled with oxygen & acetylene.

 

[krelithous]

Don't know yet.




I'm having fun at the moment though. This guy doesn't have a computer & is totally computer illiterate. Didn't even know what MP3 files were. This Volvo has a USB port on the stereo & I have a thumb drive. I explained it and just for the hell of it I demonstrated with "Convoy" on an otherwise empty drive.

I asked what kind of music he listens to in case I happen to have his genre on here. He said he likes 80's rock and specifically mentioned that he hasn't heard "Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth in years. I checked & I had it. So I put it on the drive & popped it in the stereo & as soon as it started playing, he slapped the steering wheel & yelled "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about".

LMAO.

Now he thinks I'm a genius because I put an MP3 on a thumb drive.

 

[Duck]

Backtrack.

Right when we were leaving, the weekend dispatcher came haulin' ass up in her car. "We have an abandoned truck in Normal, IL and it has a meat load that needs to come back to Sioux City and blah blah blah". I said "I'll take it home for safe-keeping & I'll top off the reefer fuel but that's all I can do". She said "well we have a couple of teams headed through there today we could split up...." I says "YOU GUYS ARE RUNNING TEAMS NOW?? TEAMS??" She says "yeah". I said "well that's how you know a company's going to shit, when they start running teams".

Dude's truck is a 2014 Volvo with a 13 liter enpansyified flower power piece of shit Volvo engine just as pathetically underpowered as that Kenworth I just ditched this morning at the yard. It has a 12 speed automatic transmission in it.



I sent @Tim a text message that said "I'm in a 2014 Volvo with a 13 liter Volvo engine & a 12 speed automatic. It has no balls, and its weird as hell. I keep reaching for the shifter". He replied & said "Please don't. Anyone else". So I bugged @Mike with all the pathetic details instead.

We got to the shipper & got a QC message saying they had that truck abandonment taken care of & didn't need me. Cool.

The guy who's hilarious name I can't post here has until 11AM to be in Chicago. We got to the Geezer Farm at 8:30 PM. He says "It's peaceful out here... this looks like a hell of a lot better place to take a 10 hour break then on the street in Chicago". I says "yep.... I got almost 2 years worth of fallen branches from 27 trees piled up out back, what do ya say we take a run to the beer store & if the wind is right, we can have a tiny little campfire?". He says "beer & a fire sounds about right".

He's a Bud Light guy. Yeah, fuck that mopped-up piss-water from Milwaukee!

So at first test, my cigarette smoke was ssssllllooowwwlly moving southwest, which ain't good. 200 feet away to the southwest there are two independent contractors' trucks parked. One's a T-600 hooked to a hopper, the other's a bad-ass cherry red 379 day cab w/a pre-emissions CAT & an 18 speed hooked to a spread-axle flat with a load of un-tarped lumber. So I figured we'd just hang out on the back porch. Table & chairs, .... boring.

We get back & I brought him into the steel shed & showed him the plane, my unsinkable homemade rafts that have defied the Titanic curse since 1998, my 200 watt homemade raft stereo, the 67 year old tractor that's pulled more Van Wyk trucks out of snow here than I've bothered to keep track of, .. ...

...


..

and my oxygen acetylene tanks.

He didn't seem to believe me when I told him how loud that shit is. It seemed like he was just smiling & thinking "this guy's full of shit but he gave me all them awesome tunes & got my phone paired to my stereo so I'll just smile & nod & pretend to believe him when he says a popping balloon is as loud as dynamite".

.......

When I lit the paper towel on fire, he only backed up about 30 feet, even though Mrs. Duck was at least 100 feet away I was still running when it went off.

He yelled "HOLY SHIT!"

"Toldja it was gonna be loud!"

"I FELT THAT ON MY CHEST, HA HA HA"




But at that point, I observed that my cigarette smoke was now slowly blowing southeast. There's nothing but grass to the southeast.

SO, ... with "Light My Fire" by The Doors blasting on the raft stereo, and after soaking the pile with about 3 or 4 gallons of gasoline & then launching a bottle rocket into it, .. which is the way we do things around here, ... it was no longer cold outside. Or dark.

This.... is the light it cast on the steel shed, 75 feet away:



The corn crib, which was only about 40 feet away, ... and the reason the wind has to be blowing south, all that dry wood:



And the best my phone would focus on the fire while I was inside the steel shed grabbing some folding chairs:



That's Mrs. Duck getting up there in the infernal radiant heat to throw some small branches in. Singed some of her hair off. LMAO. Total redneck. That's my girl. LMAO.

But the Volvomatic driver crapped out early & went to go sleep in his truck after only about an hour. Lightweight.

All the more beers left for me.

MORE FOR ME!!!





And now I'm drunk off my ass cuz I'm a lightweight these days too, but I sat out there & finished the case all by myself with Mrs. Duck on my lap keeping me warm even after the fired died down to just a big pile of glowing ashes..

 

[ScooterDude]

Bigger hillbilly than the guys from Duck Dynasty, based on that last post.

 

[Duck]

Bigger hillbilly than the guys from Duck Dynasty, based on that last post.

The Duck Dynasty guys are Hollywood actors, so I'd say ... yeah.

 

[krelithous]

dont forget the burgers and dogs

 

[DubbleD]

Is it permissible to drunk post?

Don't wanna irritate the GADP crowd.

(G##g@* ites against drunk posters)

 

[krelithous]

Backtrack.

Right when we were leaving, the weekend dispatcher came haulin' *** up in her car. "We have an abandoned truck in Normal, IL and it has a meat load that needs to come back to Sioux City and blah blah blah". I said "I'll take it home for safe-keeping & I'll top off the reefer fuel but that's all I can do". She said "well we have a couple of teams headed through there today we could split up...." I says "YOU GUYS ARE RUNNING TEAMS NOW?? TEAMS??" She says "yeah". I said "well that's how you know a company's going to ****, when they start running teams".

Dude's truck is a 2014 Volvo with a 13 liter enpansyified flower power piece of **** Volvo engine just as pathetically underpowered as that Kenworth I just ditched this morning at the yard. It has a 12 speed automatic transmission in it.

View attachment 18373 View attachment 18372

I sent @Tim a text message that said "I'm in a 2014 Volvo with a 13 liter Volvo engine & a 12 speed automatic. It has no balls, and its weird as hell. I keep reaching for the shifter". He replied & said "Please don't. Anyone else". So I bugged @Mike with all the pathetic details instead.

We got to the shipper & got a QC message saying they had that truck abandonment taken care of & didn't need me. Cool.

The guy who's hilarious name I can't post here has until 11AM to be in Chicago. We got to the Geezer Farm at 8:30 PM. He says "It's peaceful out here... this looks like a hell of a lot better place to take a 10 hour break then on the street in Chicago". I says "yep.... I got almost 2 years worth of fallen branches from 27 trees piled up out back, what do ya say we take a run to the beer store & if the wind is right, we can have a tiny little campfire?". He says "beer & a fire sounds about right".

He's a Bud Light guy. Yeah, **** that mopped-up ****-water from Milwaukee!

So at first test, my cigarette smoke was ssssllllooowwwlly moving southwest, which ain't good. 200 feet away to the southwest there are two independent contractors' trucks parked. One's a T-600 hooked to a hopper, the other's a bad-*** cherry red 379 day cab w/a pre-emissions CAT & an 18 speed hooked to a spread-axle flat with a load of un-tarped lumber. So I figured we'd just hang out on the back porch. Table & chairs, .... boring.

We get back & I brought him into the steel shed & showed him the plane, my unsinkable homemade rafts that have defied the Titanic curse since 1998, my 200 watt homemade raft stereo, the 67 year old tractor that's pulled more Van Wyk trucks out of snow here than I've bothered to keep track of, .. ...

...


..

and my oxygen acetylene tanks.

He didn't seem to believe me when I told him how loud that **** is. It seemed like he was just smiling & thinking "this guy's full of **** but he gave me all them awesome tunes & got my phone paired to my stereo so I'll just smile & nod & pretend to believe him when he says a popping balloon is as loud as dynamite".

.......

When I lit the paper towel on fire, he only backed up about 30 feet, even though Mrs. Duck was at least 100 feet away I was still running when it went off.

He yelled "HOLY ****!"

"Toldja it was gonna be loud!"

"I FELT THAT ON MY CHEST, HA HA HA"




But at that point, I observed that my cigarette smoke was now slowly blowing southeast. There's nothing but grass to the southeast.

SO, ... with "Light My Fire" by The Doors blasting on the raft stereo, and after soaking the pile with about 3 or 4 gallons of gasoline & then launching a bottle rocket into it, .. which is the way we do things around here, ... it was no longer cold outside.

This.... is the light it cast on the steel shed, 75 feet away:

View attachment 18390

The corn crib, which was only about 40 feet away, ... and the reason the wind has to be blowing south, all that dry wood:

View attachment 18400

And the best my phone would focus on the fire while I was inside the steel shed grabbing some folding chairs:

View attachment 18429

That's Mrs. Duck getting up there in the infernal radiant heat to throw some small branches in. Singed some of her hair off. LMAO. Total redneck. That's my girl. LMAO.

But the Volvomatic driver crapped out early & went to go sleep in his truck after only about an hour. Lightweight.

All the more beers left for me.

MORE FOR ME!!!





And now I'm drunk off my *** cuz I'm a lightweight these days too, but I sat out there & finished the case all by myself with Mrs. Duck on my lap keeping me warm even after the fired died down to just a big pile of glowing ashes..

see that you have mrs duck working the bbq