Truckers WifeToo
Active Member
Wife of 34 years to a trucker of 24 years and this is what I've learned:
Sending home a paycheck does not = a relationship.
Marriage and family life are about "presence", not presents.
I came from a "broken home" and he knew how important marriage and family were to me. Had he told me before we got married that 11 years into our marriage that he would decide to become an o.t.r. truck driver I would have NEVER married him.
When you break down the pay of let's say $500 week, which apparently many companies consider "good pay"??? as they've driven the wages down, it breaks down to less than $72 a day to LEAVE your family and LIVE in a truck 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for weeks at a time. $72 for a 10 hour day equals $7.20 an hour. And for those 14 hour days (that happen 6 out of 7 days a week) it breaks down to roughly $5 an hour. Mileage drivers get paid ONLY for the miles they drive (minus the 10-15 % the companies screw them out of). Loading and unloading time is unpaid working hours. I am the wife of a trucker who is now homeless in the truck with him because $5 - $7 an hour just doesn't pay the bills. One cannot average the pay simply on hours driven, as there are MANY non-paid WORKING hours that do not include driving. And for those who can average $100 per day that's $10 an hour for 10 hour days and $7.14 hr. (still below min. wage) for the much more common 14 hour days.
Think long, hard, and serious about this HUGE leap. It is a lifeSTYLE, NOT a life. The turnover rate in this industry is around 130% for a reason. And for those that do continue to stick it out, the compensation really does NOT get much better. Not unless you can get very lucky and get into a good local job with hourly pay or into a specialized field which are hard to do because once people get in those, they stay.
The divorce rate in the trucking industry is also enormous as for most women (myself included, although I'm not divorced) think that marriage should be a UNION, not a separation.
My husband was suckered into this hell hole trap 24 years ago when the same bullshit ads of making $51,000 your first year were played continually on t.v.
24 years later and he hasn't even come CLOSE to making that kind of money over the road, but somewhere down the line became addicted to this lifeSTYLE and has spent over 2/3 of this time living solo on the road. Working his ass off and somehow thinking that averaging $500 a week is decent pay because "at least it's a job". Maybe 24 years ago $500 was decent??? And no, it's NOT a job, it's a life STYLE.
Maybe, hopefully YOU and your family will be one of the lucky ones, but the odds are really stacked against that because there are soooo many drivers looking for that great paying company.
The "average" median pay for over the road truckers is $36,000 a year before taxes and roughly $10,000 a year ($30 day) in living expenses. (Living on the road is NOT cheap. My husband has a squeaky clean mvr, csa score, and 100% on time delivery (excluding equipment breakdown) and that's about what he made last year (24 years exp). After I lost my job he was able to support his family entirely on local, hourly pay. But 4 years ago when he went back on the road he could NOT afford to support TWO households on an average pay of about $500 week, ($72 day) so I ended up going in the truck with him after I lost my apt. I wouldn't purposely choose to ride shotgun for minimum wage and yet he's WORKING for LESS! We are exactly where this sh*t company wants us - homeless and stuck because if he quits we lose a "roof over our head".
Seriously look at ALL your options and KNOW what you are getting into. Most people don't start out making $500 week and this industry is ALL CONSUMING. There is ZERO time for any life. Zero time and space for wife and children and zero quality of life for many. For all the hours involved, one could get a full time job at McDonald's and a part time job at Walmart and be home for dinner each night with their family, off on weekends and make the same amount of money to be part of, instead of just a mere visitor in their family's lives. Don't believe the bs you see/hear from driving schools ads and/or recruiters.
Look up the average median truck driver salary yourself. AVERAGE median pay is $36,000 year GROSS. Then take road expenses into account. Even if you have a refrigerator or cooler and only shop at Walmart it is still quite expensive to live on the road. Right now we average roughly $30 day for two of us. 329 days of living on the road last year equaled $9,870 at $30 day. After taxes and expenses his net pay in 2013 was less than $23,000. I made close to $22,000 in 2005 working an 8 hour a day job at $11 hr. - 5 mins from my house and ate dinner with my kids and slept in my own bed each night and was PART OF and not just a visitor to my kid's lives.
Just take the time and DO THE MATH! Too many people just see that $51,000 figure on all the ads and just jump right in. Things aren't aways what they seem. And If it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Are your wife and kids ready to go from having a husband and father who was part of their lives to just a visitor who is home for a total of maybe 36 days a year? My kids and I most certainly were not!
I was married for 11 years (3 young children at the time for a total of 4 all together ((he's done this my youngest daughters entire life and she barely even knows him)) and a stay at home Mom when my husband started this crap "for the money". Don't do this for the money because the money may never happen. There are just too many others looking for the money as well. Do it because you love the lifestyle and seeing and being with your wife and family really doesn't matter much to any of you.
I knew less than 6 mos into this that it wasn't a lifestyle I could handle. Single parent, no money, utilities continually being shut off, constant threat of evictions, etc. But it was supposed to be just "temporary". But he was still searching for that "big money", which STILL hasn't happened. He WAS a local hourly driver on and off for 7 out of the 24 years and ONLY THEN is when he DID make fairly decent money until about 4 years ago when the last local company he worked for closed and he chose to go back over the road for "the big money", (which has actually lessened over the years) and ended up with some crap outfit. He is topped out at .42 cents per mile, but with so many drivers the average miles have been reduced to 1500 - 1800 per week and MANY times drivers are waiting (unpaid of course) between 18 and 24 hours between loads. I don't see that as a "driver shortage", but as far too many drivers (in order to keep the pay low and put the Independent Owner Operators out of business and KEEP the wages low)
And since living the trucking lifeSTYLE myself for the last 4 years, the one thing that KEEPS running through my head is: He LEFT US for THIS? WHY? I cannot and will not EVER understand why he didn't quit this job field very early on. We had a pretty good marriage and young children. He did do local, but always seemed antsy and anxious to get back on the road. I guess the diesel fluid that started running through his veins took priority over his family as the road became his addiction. My husband works very hard and lots and lots of hours. Far too many hours for very little pay and it really pisses me off to see all the hours he has to work for such measly pay. He thinks he's doing good though because he DOES work very long hard hours. We argue a lot about the math issue though. HE looks at $500, while I look at ALL the hours involved and all the time away from home to get that $500 average paycheck. How ironic is it that when he set out to do what he thought best for his family ended up costing family life. The compensation has NEVER been worth the HUGE cost, not to this "wife" anyways.
It's very sad and heartbreaking that as I sit in the passenger seat and listen to him reminisce, it's always about some city, or road, customer, or truck stop, (which I'm actually sick to death of hearing about) his reminiscing is never about me or the kids because he wasn't there longer than a few days each month and even when he was home the only thing we heard about was trucking. He was making his own memories. And my memories were of a lot of hardships having to be handled on my own. Unfortunately, I have tons of resentment and regrets and wish he'd NEVER got started in this lifestyle. It is NOT a job. It is a lifestyle.
All in all, as I write this, MY biggest regrets are standing behind him 100%, which ended up costing us a real marriage, and that I didn't get a divorce years ago, (when I figured out that he found HIS niche) instead of being alone and sleeping alone for 17 of the last 24 years of a 34 year "marriage". I've been a faithful wife and do love my husband, but I got married to have a partner, a companion, a relationship, and a prescence in my children's lives - not just a piece of paper. Sending a paycheck home does not equal a relationship. Marriage and family should be a union, not long term separation and is about presence - not presents. No matter how strong a marriage is - a marriage is a union between TWO people and when two people don't grow TOGETHER, they cannot help but to GROW APART. Marriage is about the WE, not the I, or ME. Even with me IN the truck there is very little time or space in his life for US as this lifestyle is ALL CONSUMING.
The only thing I've found permanently temporary is one roof after another roof after another. Never any solid roots or foundation for my family. But temporarily permanent were all the crap paying over the road companies that he went through trying to find that "good paying company" which apparently he STILL hasn't found yet! But then again it's also hard to look when you're never home. Hard to quit when you have no money saved and have no idea how long it could be until the next paycheck. And no telling if it's just as crappy with the next company until you get that next paycheck. But once you're homeless and counting on that truck as your "home", then it's even much much harder. This is most definitely NOT "home sweet home" for me, that's for sure. Some days I just feel like opening the door at 70 mph and jumping. I HATE THIS LIFE! And other then a handful of good memories I have hated my "marriage"??? since he started his lifestyle.
Please do lots and lots of homework before you just jump into this and leave your wife and children feeling abandoned (as MANY can and do). This is a life STYLE for select few, as MOST marriages cannot hande it. The family can be left with neither the presents nor the presence.
Sending home a paycheck does not = a relationship.
Marriage and family life are about "presence", not presents.
I came from a "broken home" and he knew how important marriage and family were to me. Had he told me before we got married that 11 years into our marriage that he would decide to become an o.t.r. truck driver I would have NEVER married him.
When you break down the pay of let's say $500 week, which apparently many companies consider "good pay"??? as they've driven the wages down, it breaks down to less than $72 a day to LEAVE your family and LIVE in a truck 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for weeks at a time. $72 for a 10 hour day equals $7.20 an hour. And for those 14 hour days (that happen 6 out of 7 days a week) it breaks down to roughly $5 an hour. Mileage drivers get paid ONLY for the miles they drive (minus the 10-15 % the companies screw them out of). Loading and unloading time is unpaid working hours. I am the wife of a trucker who is now homeless in the truck with him because $5 - $7 an hour just doesn't pay the bills. One cannot average the pay simply on hours driven, as there are MANY non-paid WORKING hours that do not include driving. And for those who can average $100 per day that's $10 an hour for 10 hour days and $7.14 hr. (still below min. wage) for the much more common 14 hour days.
Think long, hard, and serious about this HUGE leap. It is a lifeSTYLE, NOT a life. The turnover rate in this industry is around 130% for a reason. And for those that do continue to stick it out, the compensation really does NOT get much better. Not unless you can get very lucky and get into a good local job with hourly pay or into a specialized field which are hard to do because once people get in those, they stay.
The divorce rate in the trucking industry is also enormous as for most women (myself included, although I'm not divorced) think that marriage should be a UNION, not a separation.
My husband was suckered into this hell hole trap 24 years ago when the same bullshit ads of making $51,000 your first year were played continually on t.v.
24 years later and he hasn't even come CLOSE to making that kind of money over the road, but somewhere down the line became addicted to this lifeSTYLE and has spent over 2/3 of this time living solo on the road. Working his ass off and somehow thinking that averaging $500 a week is decent pay because "at least it's a job". Maybe 24 years ago $500 was decent??? And no, it's NOT a job, it's a life STYLE.
Maybe, hopefully YOU and your family will be one of the lucky ones, but the odds are really stacked against that because there are soooo many drivers looking for that great paying company.
The "average" median pay for over the road truckers is $36,000 a year before taxes and roughly $10,000 a year ($30 day) in living expenses. (Living on the road is NOT cheap. My husband has a squeaky clean mvr, csa score, and 100% on time delivery (excluding equipment breakdown) and that's about what he made last year (24 years exp). After I lost my job he was able to support his family entirely on local, hourly pay. But 4 years ago when he went back on the road he could NOT afford to support TWO households on an average pay of about $500 week, ($72 day) so I ended up going in the truck with him after I lost my apt. I wouldn't purposely choose to ride shotgun for minimum wage and yet he's WORKING for LESS! We are exactly where this sh*t company wants us - homeless and stuck because if he quits we lose a "roof over our head".
Seriously look at ALL your options and KNOW what you are getting into. Most people don't start out making $500 week and this industry is ALL CONSUMING. There is ZERO time for any life. Zero time and space for wife and children and zero quality of life for many. For all the hours involved, one could get a full time job at McDonald's and a part time job at Walmart and be home for dinner each night with their family, off on weekends and make the same amount of money to be part of, instead of just a mere visitor in their family's lives. Don't believe the bs you see/hear from driving schools ads and/or recruiters.
Look up the average median truck driver salary yourself. AVERAGE median pay is $36,000 year GROSS. Then take road expenses into account. Even if you have a refrigerator or cooler and only shop at Walmart it is still quite expensive to live on the road. Right now we average roughly $30 day for two of us. 329 days of living on the road last year equaled $9,870 at $30 day. After taxes and expenses his net pay in 2013 was less than $23,000. I made close to $22,000 in 2005 working an 8 hour a day job at $11 hr. - 5 mins from my house and ate dinner with my kids and slept in my own bed each night and was PART OF and not just a visitor to my kid's lives.
Just take the time and DO THE MATH! Too many people just see that $51,000 figure on all the ads and just jump right in. Things aren't aways what they seem. And If it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Are your wife and kids ready to go from having a husband and father who was part of their lives to just a visitor who is home for a total of maybe 36 days a year? My kids and I most certainly were not!
I was married for 11 years (3 young children at the time for a total of 4 all together ((he's done this my youngest daughters entire life and she barely even knows him)) and a stay at home Mom when my husband started this crap "for the money". Don't do this for the money because the money may never happen. There are just too many others looking for the money as well. Do it because you love the lifestyle and seeing and being with your wife and family really doesn't matter much to any of you.
I knew less than 6 mos into this that it wasn't a lifestyle I could handle. Single parent, no money, utilities continually being shut off, constant threat of evictions, etc. But it was supposed to be just "temporary". But he was still searching for that "big money", which STILL hasn't happened. He WAS a local hourly driver on and off for 7 out of the 24 years and ONLY THEN is when he DID make fairly decent money until about 4 years ago when the last local company he worked for closed and he chose to go back over the road for "the big money", (which has actually lessened over the years) and ended up with some crap outfit. He is topped out at .42 cents per mile, but with so many drivers the average miles have been reduced to 1500 - 1800 per week and MANY times drivers are waiting (unpaid of course) between 18 and 24 hours between loads. I don't see that as a "driver shortage", but as far too many drivers (in order to keep the pay low and put the Independent Owner Operators out of business and KEEP the wages low)
And since living the trucking lifeSTYLE myself for the last 4 years, the one thing that KEEPS running through my head is: He LEFT US for THIS? WHY? I cannot and will not EVER understand why he didn't quit this job field very early on. We had a pretty good marriage and young children. He did do local, but always seemed antsy and anxious to get back on the road. I guess the diesel fluid that started running through his veins took priority over his family as the road became his addiction. My husband works very hard and lots and lots of hours. Far too many hours for very little pay and it really pisses me off to see all the hours he has to work for such measly pay. He thinks he's doing good though because he DOES work very long hard hours. We argue a lot about the math issue though. HE looks at $500, while I look at ALL the hours involved and all the time away from home to get that $500 average paycheck. How ironic is it that when he set out to do what he thought best for his family ended up costing family life. The compensation has NEVER been worth the HUGE cost, not to this "wife" anyways.
It's very sad and heartbreaking that as I sit in the passenger seat and listen to him reminisce, it's always about some city, or road, customer, or truck stop, (which I'm actually sick to death of hearing about) his reminiscing is never about me or the kids because he wasn't there longer than a few days each month and even when he was home the only thing we heard about was trucking. He was making his own memories. And my memories were of a lot of hardships having to be handled on my own. Unfortunately, I have tons of resentment and regrets and wish he'd NEVER got started in this lifestyle. It is NOT a job. It is a lifestyle.
All in all, as I write this, MY biggest regrets are standing behind him 100%, which ended up costing us a real marriage, and that I didn't get a divorce years ago, (when I figured out that he found HIS niche) instead of being alone and sleeping alone for 17 of the last 24 years of a 34 year "marriage". I've been a faithful wife and do love my husband, but I got married to have a partner, a companion, a relationship, and a prescence in my children's lives - not just a piece of paper. Sending a paycheck home does not equal a relationship. Marriage and family should be a union, not long term separation and is about presence - not presents. No matter how strong a marriage is - a marriage is a union between TWO people and when two people don't grow TOGETHER, they cannot help but to GROW APART. Marriage is about the WE, not the I, or ME. Even with me IN the truck there is very little time or space in his life for US as this lifestyle is ALL CONSUMING.
The only thing I've found permanently temporary is one roof after another roof after another. Never any solid roots or foundation for my family. But temporarily permanent were all the crap paying over the road companies that he went through trying to find that "good paying company" which apparently he STILL hasn't found yet! But then again it's also hard to look when you're never home. Hard to quit when you have no money saved and have no idea how long it could be until the next paycheck. And no telling if it's just as crappy with the next company until you get that next paycheck. But once you're homeless and counting on that truck as your "home", then it's even much much harder. This is most definitely NOT "home sweet home" for me, that's for sure. Some days I just feel like opening the door at 70 mph and jumping. I HATE THIS LIFE! And other then a handful of good memories I have hated my "marriage"??? since he started his lifestyle.
Please do lots and lots of homework before you just jump into this and leave your wife and children feeling abandoned (as MANY can and do). This is a life STYLE for select few, as MOST marriages cannot hande it. The family can be left with neither the presents nor the presence.
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