We all started out in our own way, and I started trucking to keep from starving. Didn't have to know much about backing up when pulling a coal bucket anyway.
I drove a 5 ton dump truck in the Combat Engineers in Viet-Nam. Continental engine, 5 speed transmission w/2 speed transfer case.
Piece of cake if it wasn't for getting shot at while I was trying to do my job.
I learned to lean over between the seats with my left hand on the lower part of the steering wheel.
I would rest the barrel of my M-16 on top of the driver's door and fire blindly.
Might as well, since I was driving blind anyway. But that was only when I was getting hit from the flank, which was often enough.
I kept a .45 that I could shoot out the passenger side if necessary.
Anyhow, after getting a couple of trucks shot out from under me, I somehow made it back more or less in one piece.
Went back to Fort Stewart, Georgia(known as camp swampy) to "de-compress" as was customary in those days.
Decompression was basically drinking beer and smoking pot, which proved to be a good way to wean off of herion.
After drawing my mustering out pay I headed home to Beavercrotch, Kentucky, which was so far up in the hills we called Hazard the big city.
I pretty much picked up where I left off at camp swampy until the money ran out and I figured I needed to get myself a job.
If nothing else, it was necessary to maintain my standing with the sweet little hillbilly gal I was staying with.
Time for daddy to bring home some bacon.
I didn't have any legitimate job skills, but I did notice these coal trucks running up and down the road.
I swore I'd never drive another dump truck, but I figured "how bad can it be?". At least there won't be anybody shooting at me.
Except Fanny Mae's pa if I don't do right by his daughter.
So I go down to Bobby Lee's Coal Transport and talk to the boss man.
Bobby Lee: Aint you Ricky Lee?
Me: Yes sir
Bobby Lee: I see you made it back from over yonder
Me: Yes sir
Bobby Lee: So why are you here?
Me: I need a job
Bobby Lee: Can you drive a truck?
Me: Yes sir
Bobby Lee: I don't need none
Me: Huh
Bobby Lee: One comes open, it's yours. Always glad to help a veteran. My great grandpappy was in the big one
Me: World War One?
Bobby Lee: Nah, War Between the States. Served under Stonewall Jackson
Me: A great American
Bobby Lee: Like I said, something comes open
Me: Any drivers you aint particularly fond of?
Bobby Lee: Well, I aint never liked that Jim Bob Lee feller. Never liked his daddy, Joe Bob Lee neither.
With that information, I formulated my plan. It was a Friday, which was payday, so I figured them boys would be down at the bar drinking store bought liguor instead of home squeezins.
There was only one bar in the county, just like that was the only trucking company in the county.
I taped up my hands real good. I started with a single layer of duct tape on each hand, and layed them flat on the table.
Then I got Fanny Mae to cover the area between the two rows of knuckles with pea size gravel.
Then I carefully raised my hands and she wrapped another layer of duct tape around, forming a gravel sandwich.
I hated doing that, but I heard ole Jim Bob Lee was a pretty good size boy. Most likely toting a knife too.
I wait until just after 11 PM, give 'em time to get good and drunk. I walk in there real casual like and order myself a draught beer.
Just sip on it and get the feel of the place. What we called recon over yonder.
I didn't get too many stares. By then, I'd been back long enough to blend in.
The bartender recognized me though.
"Aint you that feller what was over in Nam?"
"Yes sir, but I don't want nobody making no big deal about it. Just doing my duty." I told him.
I figured he had a shotgun under the counter and it didn't hurt to have at least one friend in here.
"Well that make you a great American in my book. Beer's on the house." He told me.
Then he pulled a book off the counter behind him that said "Great Americans" and wrote my name in it.
I figured it was time to make my move. The things a man will do for a job.
"Which one of yall is Jim Bob Lee?" I announced from the center of the room.
"Who wants to know?" came the reply from not the biggest man in the room, but close to it.
"Don't worry about who I am." I said, throwing all the bass in my voice I could muster. "I heard you was one sorryass SOB"
He gave me a hard stare for several seconds and then commenced to laughing like I had just told a spectacularly funny joke. All his buddies were laughing too.
"So tell me something I don't know." he replied when the laughter died down.
Oh, heck. I didn't count on this. Time to ramp it up some.
"I also heard you was a Yankee lover. Matter of fact, I heard you just might have some Yankee blood runnin' through your veins." That oughta do it.
Things got real quiet then. His buddies started looking at him instead of me.
Hmm, surprising development in my favor.
"Say it aint so Jim Bob." my new friend the bartender said. "I happen to know this feller here is a great American."
"Of course it aint so!" Jim Bob said, on the verge of tears. "Yall known me all my life."
I decided to roll with it.
"It's a damn shame I come home home from serving my country and can't find a job and this here Yankee fella has one." I bluffed. "And my great grandpappy served with Stonewall Jackson."
"He was a great American" the bartender said. "Got him right here in my book."
Jim Bob was crying now. Then he was charging towards me. Oh, crap, I thought as I braced myself for impact.
But he just ran right on by me and out the door. It got quiet again and everybody just looked confused.
Then one of them guys motioned me over to the bar and they started buying me drinks.
"Guess what I heard down to the beauty parlor this morning?" Fanny Mae asked me the following afternoon.
"What's that sweety pie?"
"Jim Bob Lee and his wife Jenny Lee packed up and moved outa town this mornin"
"You don't say. Reckon why?" I said.
"Weren't real clear. But you know, all these years, they said they was from Cleveland, Tennessee. Turns out it was Cleveland, Ohio."
Come Monday morning I moseyed on back down to Bobby Lee's Coal Transport and got me that job.
this what you look like in the mirror?.............JK!
