Advice for married noob

[Spartan718]

I am leaving on Sat Sept 1 to start with Roehl. ANy tips to help keep my marriage of almost 8 yrs alive for this rough first year? I am not a quitter so I don't want give up on trucking nor my marriage. I plan on calling everyday and "Skyping" with my wife and daughters(7 and 5) when I can. I want to send little videos of my "adventures" and keep connected that way. Any other advice from married trucking vets would be much appreciated.

 

[hellraiser78]

Phone calls, Video Chats, and texts! also, make your vacations very special. Try to send some post cards from the road.

 

[Mike]

From the sound of this post, you are off to a good start.

Communicate with your family as much as possible.

Important: Don't use your family as a crying towel for all of your problems out here on the road. I know that some things are going to come up from time to time, but constant complaining to them about your problems only depresses them and can lead to them dreading your daily phone calls. Do your best to leave work at work. When you are on the phone with family, you are no longer at work, even if you are still driving. Make sure you are taking the time during the conversations to find out what is going on in their lives.

Send them the nice videos and pictures, not the footage of car wrecks and bad storms. The latter only scares them

 

[Spartan718]

Thanks Mike. Definitely don't want them to dread my calls. I want to try to keep the contact more about what is going on at home than my daily grind. I know it will be the hardest on my little one, she is a Daddy's Girl and I have to give her extra attention when I do call. So it seems my wife and I have a good plan?

 

[Mike]

I think you are off to a good start.

Another thing to remember, get your rest on the road. Don't come home with the intent of relaxing, because this is "their" time. They haven't seen you, and they need this time with you. Make your time at home all about being with your wife and kids (in that order)

 

[Jesus freak trucker]

Hey Spartan, I spent a short time with Roehl at the end of 07. It only lasted 4 months because the economy was tanking. The industry was in a panic mode and it just made financial sense to return to my old company. Roehl was a class act and the home time wasn't bad. I have 2 pieces of advice.

1st, when you call, do more listening than talking. Kids like to talk about their day. Your wife will want to do the same. Save the adventure stories for home time. Try to keep the pictures you send home partially work related. Things like what you loaded and the shipping/receiving yards. This is easier when you flatbed.

2nd. How does your wife like you to look? My wife doesn't like facial hair or crew cuts. Although I thought crew cuts were great for flat bedding I always wore my hair the way she liked. I was always clean shaved too. If a woman puts up with me gone as much as she did, I should do what I can to be what she wants when I am home.

Good Luck, Tom aka Jesus Freak Trucker

 

[Gased]

I think you are off to a good start.

Another thing to remember, get your rest on the road. Don't come home with the intent of relaxing, because this is "their" time. They haven't seen you, and they need this time with you. Make your time at home all about being with your wife and kids (in that order)

From the sound of this post, you are off to a good start.

Communicate with your family as much as possible.

Important: Don't use your family as a crying towel for all of your problems out here on the road. I know that some things are going to come up from time to time, but constant complaining to them about your problems only depresses them and can lead to them dreading your daily phone calls. Do your best to leave work at work. When you are on the phone with family, you are no longer at work, even if you are still driving. Make sure you are taking the time during the conversations to find out what is going on in their lives.

Send them the nice videos and pictures, not the footage of car wrecks and bad storms. The latter only scares them

Isn't much to say after those two post. Mike hit it on the head. He pretty much just killed the thread.

Good luck to you. Just take it easy, it will get stressful but the sense of pride you will get once you realize the part you play in moving America makes it worth it.... in my opinion at least.

 

[Gus]

Spare the wife the bad **** you see and experience. She doesn't need the extra worry.

When you go home, don't interrupt the flow. Your wife will be mom and dad when you are trucking. Don't try to take back over for a day or two, just be there for them.

 

[jaiart]

I am leaving on Sat Sept 1 to start with Roehl. ANy tips to help keep my marriage of almost 8 yrs alive for this rough first year? I am not a quitter so I don't want give up on trucking nor my marriage. I plan on calling everyday and "Skyping" with my wife and daughters(7 and 5) when I can. I want to send little videos of my "adventures" and keep connected that way. Any other advice from married trucking vets would be much appreciated.

17 yr Navy Vet buddy of mine told me he and his wife had a 150 mile marriage. Meaning that once they were 150 miles from each other they could do what they wanted. Lol

The other tact is simple, if your marriage is gonna tank because of this little bit of separation it's already weak. You trust her/she trust you. Treat each other accordingly and it will work out. I mean if she was gonna cheat she probably would have already after 8 years.

One more tip, send her flowers from the road. Plenty of smart phone apps let you do that. Send them to her at work. Can't beat a public declaration of love, and not always roses either. If you know anybody in the singing telegram business. Have them serenade her, again *at work*.

 

[Duck]

Important: Don't use your family as a crying towel for all of your problems out here on the road. I know that some things are going to come up from time to time, but constant complaining to them about your problems only depresses them and can lead to them dreading your daily phone calls. Do your best to leave work at work. When you are on the phone with family, you are no longer at work, even if you are still driving. Make sure you are taking the time during the conversations to find out what is going on in their lives.

Gotta mention at least SOMETHING about the job, ... to remind them why you're not there.

One more tip, send her flowers from the road. Plenty of smart phone apps let you do that. Send them to her at work. Can't beat a public declaration of love, and not always roses either. If you know anybody in the singing telegram business. Have them serenade her, again *at work*.

Do that and she'll probably think you're guilty of something.




I'd check with Roehl and see what their rider policy is. I don't know if the kids are back in school yet cuz I don't have any, but if you can bring one of them on the road one week, then the other kid the following week, (not both at the same time) that would help. If possible, leave the kids with their grandparents for a week & bring the wife.

At the company I drive for, the kids have to be at least 12 yrs old, and passengers are only allowed during the summer months. I don't know about other companies though.

 

[Tazz]

Something we did with my daughters. Get one of these

http://www.maps.com/map.aspx?cid=22,55,624&pid=17261

And a cheap atlas from like walmart(for looking up really small town's) and when you call to say goodnight tell them where you are and they can stick pin your location. As the others have said share a little of your job, but keep the crap mostly to yourself. Not saying never vent, just regulate it.But never at your kids.

I buy my wife bells from everywhere I go. Now it is just the interesting ones of course, but if your wife has a collecting hobby(Bells, shot glasses, thimbles,spoons.........) bringing home something thoughful might show her she was in your thoughts.

 

[Duck]

Something we did with my daughters. Get one of these

http://www.maps.com/map.aspx?cid=22,55,624&pid=17261

And a cheap atlas from like walmart(for looking up really small town's) and when you call to say goodnight tell them where you are and they can stick pin your location. As the others have said share a little of your job, but keep the crap mostly to yourself. Not saying never vent, just regulate it.But never at your kids.

I buy my wife bells from everywhere I go. Now it is just the interesting ones of course, but if your wife has a collecting hobby(Bells, shot glasses, thimbles,spoons.........) bringing home something thoughful might show her she was in your thoughts.

I used to get the state license plate name magnets for Mrs. Duck's daughter. But she got mad because I told her I can't get her a Hawaii one.

 

[Tazz]

I used to get the state license plate name magnets for Mrs. Duck's daughter. But she got mad because I told her I can't get her a Hawaii one.

All you have to do is refine that flotation idea and your all set. What are ya waiting for?









Or you could do like I did and cheat. They sell the dang things everywhere

 

[jaiart]

Gotta mention at least SOMETHING about the job, ... to remind them why you're not there.

Do that and she'll probably think you're guilty of something.

I'd check with Roehl and see what their rider policy is. I don't know if the kids are back in school yet cuz I don't have any, but if you can bring one of them on the road one week, then the other kid the following week, (not both at the same time) that would help. If possible, leave the kids with their grandparents for a week & bring the wife.

At the company I drive for, the kids have to be at least 12 yrs old, and passengers are only allowed during the summer months. I don't know about other companies though.

If she thinks he's guilty of something because he shows her he loves her then something already is wrong in their marriage. I have always done this my women and never not once ever has any suspicion arouse. I know this world has taught people to be naturally suspicious when people treat us nice but that reflects a weakness in the suspicious persons character. Treat her like you did when you were trying to win her hand and heart is what I am saying.

 

[Spartan718]

Both my kids are to young 7 and 5, but I would like my wife to come with me