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Impure Thoughts #19: Etiquette

If I’m at the register, performing what I hope to be a very brief transaction, and you are behind me and begin reaching over and around me to place your items on the counter before the end of my transaction, I should legally be allowed to kill you with my death ray beam from my eyes that makes you explode into a ball of guts and blood and flesh flying everywhere.

The End.


I’ve thought for a long time that there is a more serious driving distraction than texting, CB, changing the radio station, sneezing (I had a guy on the CB accuse me of texting once because I swerved a bit over the line, and it was just allergy season - beware your judgments you 2 year experts, and shut the hell up in the meantime, nice pleather cowboy hat by the way-), or cell phone calls with or without a hands free, there's a greater threat to mankind.

This greatest distraction isn’t even tangible. It’s not a device. It’s not a gadget, nor an item in any way.

It’s a mindset. That mindset is self-importance.

“Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got something important to do!”

“Look out for me, I’m a yuppie and driving a Porsche! How did you not see me?”

More than anything, in almost twenty years of driving, I think this attitude has killed more people than any driving distraction there is. But the government can’t regulate thinking, though they’re trying. Not yet they can’t.

How many times have you seen sports cars, or high end SUV’s just blast onto the interstate without even a look? Forget what’s supposed to happen about the lost concept of "how to merge", what does that say about a person’s mindset? “Look out for me, I’m important, you’re not.”

Um, no. Look up “how to merge”.

Here’s a hint- okay well…the answer. Traffic on the interstate already has the right of way, it’s up to you to either yield (some states even have signs) or merge safely. Traffic on the interstate does NOT have to yield to you, or move over, or anything. It may be a courtesy, if there’s a clear lane, but it’s not mandatory for people to get out of your way while merging, any more than I should move out of your way at the counter at the store. It’s not me, it’s you.

I’m already here. You must wait your turn. But they can’t fix that thinking.

But maybe instead of targeting certain groups, and levying higher fines against certain people and professions, the police should try to change this mindset. They could do so easily enough. No really, they could! Like when a new regulation is drafted in the trucking industry and there’s always a crop of folks who think it’s a GREAT idea (and more than a few who end up gaining the title “outlaw”), maybe the government could draft legislation that reduces the attitude of self-importance.

Oh yes, I bet they could! Find billions of dollars that don’t exist, put up billboards, and pat-your-own-back signs in construction zones that say: “This accident reduction area brought to you by the reduction of self-importance, Anti- Douchebag act of 2020. If found texting in this construction zone, you WILL be sent to a work camp!”

That’s not going to happen. Not with the celebrity enamored, “selfie” culture we have now. But all we can do in the meantime is to not yield to self-important behavior, and maybe teach our kids the same.

"You’re good, and worth something, but don’t get rude about it. We’re all good and worth something." -Sinister -circa just now.


So I stood there buying my stuff in the store after handing the cashier my card, and the guy comes up behind me again, and puts more crap on the counter, then stares at me in that supposed-to-be-intimidating eastern European way (Adidas pants, Reebok sneakers and a wool turtle-neck, nice wardrobe buddy!) as if I’m already supposed to be gone!

POW! KRRRRSSHHHHH!!!! Death ray explosion bits of flesh falling everywhere - the world a better place!